[これは悲しいです。ごめんなさい。]
[soundtrack for this one: Sober, by P!nk (Pink)]

[This chapter was the first thing I ever wrote for this story, it was the seed that the story grew from.]

Nabiki backed away from Ranma rapidly as tears flooded to her eyes and she had to fight them back to see. Her heart was suddenly racing, and her breath was coming in short panicked rasps as what he'd said echoed in her mind and connected with her on a primal level she didn't understand, and didn't know how to deal with.
"You what?" She asked him again in a small shaking voice. She felt like she was coming apart inside.
He was looking at her strangely, and answered her slowly, like he was afraid of her. "I ... I said I ... promise, I promise it will be all right." He looked at her with increasing worry on his face.
She was panicking. She didn't know why, but she could feel herself spiraling out of control. Whatever was wrong with her was getting worse.
"You shouldn't ... you shouldn't make promises like that. You CAN'T make promises like that!" She said to him sternly as her voice caught repeatedly and she fought back tears.
"W-why not?" He asked her with confusion in his eyes.
That stopped her cold for a moment. She didn't have an answer to that which she could explain with words. She just knew that he shouldn't be making promises like that. The anger inside of her was growing. She felt ... wrong. Something was wrong with her, she knew that. It just wasn't normal to be crying all the time for no real reason, or lashing out at people in anger for small things.
She was so happy that Ranma was interested in her, and that he was so nice to her. He was warm, and friendly, and calm, and caring. He made her feel ... happy. She wasn't sure what love was, but she was pretty sure it was what she felt when she was with him.
So she didn't understand why she felt so bad sometimes ... like she did now. It was like ... something inside her was broken, or leaking, or something. She couldn't really explain it. She kept getting hot flashes of anger that came from nowhere. She also kept feeling sad and tearful in random bouts.
She looked over at him, and tried to figure out how to break down the barriers between them. She understood on a certain level why Akane had so much trouble telling him how she felt. Doing that would make Akane vulnerable. As for herself, she could tell him, but ... doing more than that ... was hard.
She didn't talk to him about feelings. She didn't talk to him about her hopes, her wishes, her fears. He didn't know the real her. He knew the parts of her that everyone knew, and a tiny bit more that nobody knew. In total, Doctor Tofu and Daddy, and even Riko still knew her better than Ranma did, though.
That wasn't right. Ranma should know her best if she was going to be in a relationship with him. She pulled in a shaking breath and tried to steady herself. She clenched her hands into fists at her side, and closed her eyes briefly. When she opened them she found him staring at her in confusion.
She sighed and tried to make him understand. "Ranma, who am I?" She asked him in a tired voice, mirroring what Miso had asked her earlier. She was exhausted from fighting the battle inside herself.
"Is this a game?" He asked in an unamused tone.
She shook her head slowly at him and locked her eyes on his as she tried to control the shaking in her hands.
"You're ... Nabiki..." He said slowly.
"And?" She prompted him.
"And ... you're my fianceé?" He said in a questioning tone. She knew he was saying what he thought she wanted to hear. So she tried prompting him again as she fought tiredly against the darkness rising up inside her.
"Yes, but who am I? If you were going to describe me to someone, and not using my family name, or the names of my sisters, or your relationship with me ... what would you say? Who am I?" She asked him as she closed her eyes and listened to the wind and tried to keep herself from falling apart.
"You're ... geez I dunno, Nabiki ... why're ya askin' me this?" He replied in a confused and plaintive voice.
"Can you ... just ... please?" She whispered to him with her eyes still closed.
She heard him sigh then speak again after a few moments of silence. "You're really smart, an' ya care about your family. You know a lot of people an' a lot of things. Um ... you don't give up ... an' ... I don't know, you're funny?" He said quietly, in an embarrassed voice.
He'd tried, she'd give him that. He'd tried very hard. She knew he was still saying things he thought she might want to hear, and he had wisely avoided calling out her physical appearance again like he had done on their date. She opened her eyes and let the tears spill out on to her cheeks that she had been trying to hold back. He'd tried, but it hadn't worked.
She had hoped that he could maybe help her. She'd had a small hope that hearing him try to connect with her on an emotional level might help her fix whatever was wrong with her inside. But he didn't know enough specifics about her to do it. Riko could do it, but she wasn't trying to build a relationship with Riko.
This is all my fault. I didn't let him get to know me well enough, fast enough. I spent too much time worrying about Akane and the rest of them. I was doing what I always do, taking care of business first. But I should have been spending the time we had together getting to know him better, and letting him know me better. She thought sadly as she closed her eyes again.
I'm pathetic. This just isn't going to work. He isn't going to want to be with me when he finds out how much of a mess I am. She thought sadly. I tried to let him in, but it didn't help. If anything I think I feel worse. She thought dejectedly while she sank slowly to the ground as the strength in her legs fled. She couldn't look at him. She was too ashamed. The tears wouldn't stop. Whatever was wrong with her was getting worse.
I have to let him go. She thought in despair.
"Nabiki ... what did I—" Ranma asked in a panicked tone.
"I know Ranma. I know. You don't know what you did. You want to make it better. You want to protect me. You want to save me. I know. I know. I know..." She said in a voice fast rising to hysterical. The darkness inside her was growing stronger.
"Well, then what's wr—"
"I DON'T KNOW!" She screamed as she forced herself to look up at him briefly, pitifully. Then she hurriedly looked down again. The anguish in his eyes was unbearable.
"Come on, Kiki, it's not that bad..." He said nervously.
She felt herself break inside a little more with his use of Riko's nickname for her. She found herself shaking her head, but she wasn't sure exactly why. "I know ... Ranma, I know. It isn't your fault. It's nothing you did or didn't do. It's me. I'm broken. Something is really wrong with me... and I don't know how to fix it." She said, grief-stricken.
"What do ya mean?" He said. She heard him crouch down so his eyes were more on level with hers. She flinched away from him. Not because she was afraid of him. She just didn't feel she was worthy of him. She'd made him go through so much to be with her in the limited way they had been together, and now here she was, trying to tell him that she didn't think they could make it work.
"I ... Ranma ... I don't deserve you. I'm broken. I'm just going to be a burden for you. You ... you shouldn't pick me." She whispered.
There was dead silence between them for a moment. She could hear the wind mixed with her own panicked breathing. A moment later, his shadow moved on the ground she was staring at, and she felt his hand rest lightly on her shoulder. She flinched again, but didn't shrug him off. She desperately wanted him to hold her, and sooth her, and make things better for her. But she knew he couldn't, and it would be unfair to ask him to try.
"What are you sayin'?" He asked softly.
Oh God! He's going to make me say it! She thought in terrified shame. She dragged her eyes up to his, pulled in a shuddering breath, opened her mouth ... and said absolutely nothing. She shook her head sadly. It was too hard. I can't say it, not to his face! It's too awful! I'm going to have to run away and write him a letter! She thought in misery as she let herself slump down and lay to the side of him on the ground. She was sobbing softly now.
Ranma shifted himself so he was sitting down, but a little further away from her. She knew him well enough now to know that women in pain freaked him out. That only made it worse. It was killing her that she had to hurt him.
"Come on, Kiki, we can—" He started to say.
"I don't have anything else I can offer you, Ranma. You've seen all of it. My world is money, and power, and people and information. That's all I have to offer you. I don't think it's enough, Ranma, we're ... we're too different." She whispered miserably as she sobbed.
"But I—"
"I know. You think we can make it work ... but ... I don't. Your world ... terrifies me, Ranma. In my world, I could get killed with the same chances everyone else has. In your world, just standing next to you could get me killed. I have never had someone try to kill me before I got involved with you. That isn't exactly something I can just forget about. Your world is ... just too dangerous." She managed to get out in between her sobbing. She was still laying down on the ground with her eyes closed. She couldn't bear to look at him.
"But I—"
"Yes, you'll protect me. I know. And you know what, I believe you. I know if I asked you to, you would stick next to me night and day, for the rest of my life, and keep me safe. And I think you would be happy to do it. But Ranma ... I don't want to live like that ... that's no way to live. I don't want to be afraid all the time. I want to be free to go out with my friends. I don't want to have to always be looking over my shoulder. I don't want to have to train hard in the Martial Arts just so I can be strong enough to survive an attack long enough to get away and find you. It's just ... it's not going to work, Ranma." She said in between gasping breaths as she sobbed.
"But..."
"No, Ranma. It will be better for both of us..." she paused as she let the full weight of what she was about to say settle on her. The darkness inside her was indifferent, and she couldn't find the light any more. She looked up at him between eyelashes stuck together with tears. "It will be better for both of us ... if..." She couldn't finish the thought. But, she could tell he understood. His eyes changed. She still saw love in them, but she saw betrayal in them now as well. She couldn't look at him any more. She had never been more ashamed of herself in her whole life. I want to die! I deserve to die! She wailed to herself as she slumped to the ground and covered her face with her arm and wept.
She could see Ranma's legs on the ground in between the small gap between her arm and the ground. He didn't move for a while. Eventually she saw him stand up. He took a small step towards her. Then he stopped and stepped back. A few moments later he took a larger step towards her, and paused again. Inside she desperately wanted him to pick her up, hold her, and make it all right, but she knew it couldn't happen. He had to let her go.
He took another tentative step towards her. She flinched, and he stopped. I have to make him choose Akane! I have to! There's no other way! She thought miserably.
He stayed immobile for several long seconds which stretched into minutes. Eventually he took a small step back, then another. He stayed still for a few moments longer, then his feet twisted as he turned away from her. A moment later they twisted back, and she held her breath. After half a minute his feet twisted off to the side again and then he started to slowly walk away. She closed her eyes and cried defeated and miserable tears.
She didn't know how much time had passed before she felt a strong hand reach down and reach under her arm. She sighed and looked up expecting to see Ranma. It was Akane. Akane smiled at her with a strained smile. She could tell Akane was trying to be nice, but was exasperated with her.
"Come on, get off the ground. Let's go inside and talk." Akane said quietly as she pulled her up, and practically carried her into the house.
...HE PROMISED!...
She nodded mutely and let Akane move her. She didn't really care if Akane wanted to have it out with her. She deserved it. After everything Ranma had done for her ... she deserved to be punished. She could feel something inside herself straining terribly. Something was very wrong with her. She could feel herself growing angry, and that didn't even make sense. She should just be feeling sad. Maybe Akane would be able to say something that could help?
Akane walked her up the stairs and brought her into her room. Her little sister set her down on the bed and then took a step back from her and put her hands on her hips.
"What are you doing?" Akane asked in a voice seething with emotion. She didn't say anything to Akane. She had nothing to say for what she'd done. "It wasn't enough for you to take him from me, but now that you've had your fun, you're just throwing him away?!" Akane asked with disbelief in her voice.
She knew she should tell Akane it wasn't like that, but whatever was wrong with her was getting worse. She was growing angry, and she didn't know why, but she couldn't control it.
...HE PROMISED!...
Akane reached over and put her hands on her shoulders gently, but firmly. "Look at me!" Her younger sister demanded.
She dragged her chin up off her chest slowly, like it weighed a hundred pounds. She met Akane's eyes and saw anguish with righteous fury in her sister's eyes. That wasn't good. Akane's anger was fueling her own.
...HE PROMISED!...HE PROMISED!...
Akane shook her gently. "Are you really going to just walk away from him? Just like that?" Akane demanded.
The anger inside her was clawing its way to the surface. The edges of her vision were blurring a bit. She knew she needed to control it, but she didn't know how.
This is dangerous. I need to get out of here! She thought as she surged to her feet as she summoned the remainder of her strength. She stepped towards the door, but Akane held firm to her shoulders.
"No you don't. Answer me! What are you doing? YOU WERE WINNING! Why are you walking away from him, what's wrong with you?!" Akane demanded in a rising tone of voice. "Was it all ... was it all just a game to you?" Akane added in a horrified voice.
She dragged her eyes back to Akane, slowly, heavily. The weight of what she was trying to hold back was unbearable. She couldn't hold it back much longer. "Let me go." She said in a low, dangerous voice. The anger was taking control of her. She was watching it happen in her own mind, and she didn't know what to do to stop it. It was almost like another person was taking control of her, and all she could do was watch.
"Not until you answer me. You owe me that much!" Akane stated firmly.
"I ... don't owe you ... anything ... " She said, carefully, with as much control as she could manage. She shrugged her shoulders hard, and forced Akane to let go, and stood up. They stood that way, nose to nose, in silent consideration for a moment. It was the calm before the storm. She could tell Akane had figured out something was wrong with her, but she knew that Akane had no idea how very wrong things were inside her.
I need to get away, get away getaway...away... She chanted to herself as she took a step to the side of Akane, and looked away from her younger sister's hurt and indignant stare. She knew that Akane loved him. She knew that Akane was trying to protect him, and in a weird way protect her as well. But at the moment, whatever was wrong with her didn't care about that. The anger inside her was clawing its way determinedly to the surface, and looking for any excuse to break free. She took another hurried step towards the door.
Hide, need to hide, run away, can't, I can't I can't I can't...HE PROMISED!...
Akane moved with the kind of speed Ranma sometimes used. It wasn't so fast that her sister blurred, but it was still much faster than she herself could move. Akane stopped in front the door and stood facing her with her hands on her hips and outrage on her face.
Oh, no, Akane, no, please, don't force me to ...HE PROMISED!...
"Tell me you haven't just been playing games. I can't believe even you would do that." Akane said in a horrified voice.
She shook her head. "...not... playing..." She struggled to say as she fought the darkness inside.
"So, you've been sleeping together, and hanging on his arm, and sitting in his lap and getting him to hold your hand in public ... and what, now it's just all over? Just like that? Are you bored with him now?" Akane asked hotly.
"I ... I don't ..." She tried to say as the darkness surged even closer to the surface. She was losing the fight.
"Are you really giving him up?" Akane asked in disbelief.
"I ... I DON'T WANT TO, ALL RIGHT?! I DIDN'T MEAN IT ... I don't think ... I just ... I CAN'T... I CAN'T..." She yelled as she took a step back from Akane as tears slipped down her cheeks. "I'll ... I'll make it up to him ... I'll..." She gasped as the anger and darkness found more holes inside her defenses and got closer to the surface.
"Do you even have real feelings for him?" Akane asked angrily.
The darkness inside her was starting to leak out, she felt like lashing out. "Hey! You know what?! You don't get to lecture me. YOU didn't speak up for him and say you wanted to be engaged to him when Daddy asked. YOU didn't stand up for him when that girl accused him of groping her. And this whole thing wouldn't have even started if YOU hadn't thrown his engagement away! You can't have a fiancé until you grow up, Akane." She said angrily with tears streaming down her cheeks.
...HE PROMISED!...
"Oh yeah, well at least I'm grown up enough to call my father Dad, not 'Daddy.' What are you, seven?" Akane shot back hotly.
"It's none of your business what I call Daddy!" She replied just as hotly. "And this isn't about Daddy, this is about Ranma." She growled.
"Right ... and you just threw him away. Clearly he wasn't that special to you." Akane said coldly.
"He IS special! There's nobody else like him, NOBODY! He showed me things I'll never forget, OKAY?! Is that what you want to hear? He's beyond special, he's one of a kind! He protected me, he was kind to me, and he even taught me to see with my Ki!" She shouted. She knew she was just stringing together random facts about him, but she was protecting her more private moments with him. Even in the heat of the moment, she didn't feel that anyone had a right to know about them but her and Ranma.
"That isn't that special, any serious Martial Artist can do it!" Akane said dismissively.
"It was special to me! You're just jealous!" She yelled back.
A sad, and confused look crossed Akane's face. "OF COURSE I'M JEALOUS! HE'S NEVER TAUGHT ME A DAMN THING! WHAT'S SO SPECIAL ABOUT YOU?!" Akane screamed at her as tears streamed down her sister's cheeks.
"Maybe he was willing to teach me because I had the guts to tell him how I felt, you coward." She said darkly. The darkness inside her was almost all the way to the surface. She was almost out of control.
"How dare you! GET OUT OF MY ROOM!" Akane said in a low, dangerous tone while stepping clear of the door and pointing angrily at it.
"FINE!" She yelled as she stepped quickly across the room, yanked the door open, stepped through it, and slammed it closed. She stood in the hallway for a moment breathing heavily and trying desperately to control the darkness inside her. It wasn't working. The dragon inside her was spitting fire in rage.
She heard footsteps coming up the stairs. She turned to look at the sound, and saw Ranma's head appear at the top of the stairs as he ascended them.
Oh, perfect. JUST PERFECT. She screamed inside herself.
"Nabiki, are you—" He started to say with concern in his voice as he reached the landing.
"Don't, just ... don't. Not right now, Ranma, NOT RIGHT NOW!" She said as she rushed past him and down the stairs.
...have to get away...
...hide...
...have to get away...
...can't...
...I can't I can't...
"But, Nabiki—" He called out after her.
"No! I can't, I JUST CAN'T RIGHT NOW!" She yelled as she ran down the stairs. She hit the ground floor running and bolted for the kitchen. She ran right past Kasumi who yelped in surprise. She yanked the back door open and slammed it behind herself as she ran mindlessly to the rear of the house. She only stopped running once she'd reached the safety of the trees. A half-remembered memory of crouching under those trees when she was a little girl in pain flashed into her mind. She shook her head to clear it. She felt like she was coming apart.
She heard the back door open, and turned to see Kasumi hurrying after her. Her older sister rushed over to where she was crouching, crying under the tree and trying to control her panicked breathing.
Kasumi smiled gently at her. "I knew I'd find you under this tree. It's finally happening. Nabiki, Nabiki listen to me. LISTEN TO ME!" Her older sister said to her urgently. She felt Kasumi reach over and grasp her chin softly. She looked up at Kasumi through her tears and tried to focus on what her older sister was saying.
"Remember when I told you this morning that you might soon understand what I was talking about, and how I said it might be starting to come back to you? It's happening now. What you're feeling is normal, you just have to—" Kasumi tried to say, but was interrupted by the sound of the back door slamming open again. They both turned to look at who it was. It was Akane.
"What are you telling Kasumi about me?" Akane demanded hotly. She glared at Akane as the darkness surged even closer to the surface.
"She hasn't told me anything, Akane. Calm down, this isn't what you t—" Kasumi tried to say.
"I'm not a coward!" Akane yelled, ignoring Kasumi.
She found herself getting to her feet. "Yes, you are." She said simply as she glared at Akane.
"I have stood and fought more things than you ever have." Akane said in an outraged tone.
"Yes Akane, you fight. You like to fight. That doesn't take courage. That's just a hobby for you!" She shot back.
"Girls, please, calm down. Akane, this isn't the time. Nabiki, please listen to me, what you're feeling is—"
Akane stepped past Kasumi and talked over her. "So what's the big courageous thing you've done? Huh? All I see you doing lately is fainting, getting protected by Doctor Tofu and Ranma, and crying when you think nobody is looking!" Akane said angrily.
The hot ball of fury inside her burst into flame again. She couldn't believe Akane would dare to say that to her!
"Whoa!" Kasumi said as she spun to face Akane and stepped in front of her protectively. "Come on, Akane, that's not fair—" Kasumi protested.
"Don't you dare take her side! I—" Akane yelled.
"Enough!" She yelled over both of them as she shouldered past Kasumi and stepped closer to Akane. "I'll tell you what I did, I took a chance! I swallowed my pride, and I went for it with him. I did something I was actually afraid of. It's not a hobby for me. I'm serious!" She yelled as she fought desperately to contain the darkness inside herself. She didn't have much time left, and she knew it.
"So you think stealing Ranma makes you brave?" Akane yelled back.
"I. DIDN'T. STEAL. HIM! You GAVE him up!" She yelled in a voice quickly losing control. She knew the soldiers could see and hear her, and the mercenaries, and probably everyone else, but she didn't care.
"I ... I ... " Akane stammered.
"Exactly. You're too scared to say how you feel. You've been doing this since Mom died, Akane. You're pathetic!" Even as she was saying it, she couldn't believe she was saying it. She immediately regretted saying it, but she couldn't seem to stop herself.
"What did you say?" Akane whispered dangerously to her.
"You're pathetic!" she yelled at Akane again, hysterically.
"If I am, so are you! You haven't let yourself feel anything real since Mom died. I think the last few days are the first I have seen you cry since before Mom died. What's the matter, Nabiki, getting freezer burn on your heart?"

The edges of her vision started to blur. She was starting to see white. Something terrible was happening.

...alone...
...he promised!...
...abandoned...
...he promised!...
...HE PROMISED! HE PROMISED! HE PROMISED!...

She couldn't hold it back any longer. Her breathing was coming in trembling, ragged gasps. She was furious, and she didn't know why. Her fight with Akane shouldn't be making her as angry as she was. She was livid, and ashamed of herself, but at the same time she was happy to be acting — finally acting — as she felt something in her about to break, the source of her anger. It was an ugly anger, it was fury, it was hate. She was shaking with it. Everything seemed to be fading into a blurred and hazy nothingness. The darkness inside her rocketed up to the surface, like a snake striking its prey, grabbed her, and took control as whatever was wrong with her inside, finally broke free.
"Nabiki... NABIKI, NO! NABIKI, PLEASE LISTEN TO ME, YOU—" She heard Kasumi scream, but she tuned her out.
She felt something moving towards her at incredible speed out of her peripheral vision, but she didn't care, she lunged at Akane as she balled her hand up into a fist and aimed it straight at Akane's face. Akane's eyes widened in shock as her little sister realized what she was doing and Akane's hands started to come up to block, but they would never get there in time.
"I AM NOT FROZEN!" She screamed at Akane, as she completely lost control.
A blur of motion crossed her vision and solidified into Tofu who leaped in front of Akane to shield her. He managed to get in front of Akane and took the hit without raising his hands. Nabiki realized immediately it was him, but she didn't care. She swung again and again as the heat of her shame and anger, and something far older and far worse, burned bright in her. Akane was right, and she knew it. She both loved and hated Akane for making her face it.
I can't!
I can't!
I can't!
HE PROMISED!
She was angry, angrier than she had ever been in her whole life. She was burning with it, she needed to let it out. She hit Tofu over and over again. She hit him in the face and knocked his glasses off. She clawed at his chest, she kicked him. She hit him like she wanted to kill him. She hit him until she couldn't lift her arms any more. He just stood there and took it.
She could see Akane standing to the side of Tofu now. She was standing there looking blankly at her with Kasumi standing next to her. Both of them looked shocked, and both of them were crying.
Kasumi's mask was broken.
She finally realized she was screaming as she interrupted the sound when she gasped for breath as she sobbed. It was an inhuman scream. She didn't know how she was making it. All she knew was she hurt. She hurt so bad! She couldn't breathe. She was dying. Oh God oh God oh God! Why did she have to die?!
"WHY DID YOU LET HER DIE?! YOU PROMISED YOU'D SAVE HER!" She screamed out loud as she raised her hand and hit Tofu again as hard as she could in the face. The whisker stubble on his face scratched her hand, and he actually took a step back under her renewed onslaught.
Akane had sunk to her knees and was openly weeping as her younger sister held on to Kasumi's legs and looped her hands back around to cover her mouth. Kasumi had lost it as well. Her older sister had her face buried in her hands as she wept. She had never seen Kasumi cry before. It was one of the most disturbing things she had seen since Mom had been carried out of the house under a blanket.
It's going to be all right, I promise. The words Tofu had said to her when she was a little girl were repeating in her mind over and over again.
She screamed at Tofu in a rage she hadn't even known she was capable of, as hot tears streaked down her cheeks. "YOU DID IT! YOU LET HER DIE! IT'S YOUR FAULT! YOU SAID YOU WOULD SAVE HER, AND YOU DIDN'T! YOU PROMISED! YOU PROMISED, YOU PROMISED, YOU PROMISED! WHY DIDN'T YOU SAVE HER?! WHY?! WHY?!WHY?!WHY?!WHYWHYWHYYYY?!" She trailed off into a wordless scream.
He just stood there. She could see he was crying too, and she was glad. She wanted him to suffer. She hated him!
"I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU IHATEYOU IHATEYOUIHATEYOUUUUUU!" She screamed as she fell to her own knees and threw her head back and howled as loud as she could, as if she was being murdered. She screamed her throat raw, and then kept screaming until her voice gave out. Oh God, it hurt so bad! She wished Tofu was dead. She wished she was dead. WHY DID MOM HAVE TO DIE?!
"Why?" She mumbled as her strength left her, and she wept pitifully, with wracking sobs that shook her whole body like a trembling leaf in a hurricane. She sobbed the tears for her dead mother that she had never allowed herself to let go when Mom had died. She'd tried so hard, for so long, to keep it bottled away, where it couldn't hurt her. Where the hurt couldn't touch her. She didn't know how it had gotten out... but I can't put it back! Oh God, I want to! It hurts so bad! She felt herself slumping over as the grief overwhelmed her.
And then Tofu was there again. He gathered her up and held her in his arms while she cried. He didn't say anything, he just held her. She couldn't bear it. It was too much.
I can't
I can't
I ca—
"—n't I can't ... I want to die." She whispered.
"I know. You won't." He whispered back.
"Why didn't you save her?" She asked hatefully. She put all of the malice she was feeling into the question.
"I tried, Nabiki. I tried so hard. I did everything I could. I even tried things I wasn't sure I could do. I broke laws trying to save her! I would have done anything to save her! ANYTHING! Your dad would have too. We both would have GLADLY died in her place."
"I hate you." She whispered bitterly, weakly.
"I know. I deserve it." He whispered sadly.
"I hurt so bad." She whispered as her will gave out.
"I do too. Every single day since she died. Forever and ever. I'll never forgive myself for not being good enough to save her. I'll pay for that until I die."
"It hurts ... it hurts so bad." She repeated as she felt herself slipping into unconsciousness. She heard the kitchen door crash open, and heavy footsteps running towards her distantly as she felt herself growing still as the darkness dragged her down into unconsciousness.
"I know. But I've got you, Nabiki. I've got you." He whispered to her as he rocked her gently and held her in his arms.